I know you would kill me for being on your tumblr, but I thought I should write something on your blog instead of mine. Tae, I miss you so much. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt as bad, sometimes it knocks the breath out of me. Tonight is one of those times. You came in my life when I was at my absolute lowest. You held my hand in the hospital and held me when I cried all night. You sat with me when I just stared at the wall. You stared with me. You picked me up and made me start to put myself back together. Now, I don’t know what to do. I’m lost. I’ve taken pills, I’ve cut my body to pieces, and I’ve cried so much that I can’t come up with anymore tears. None of that even begins to numb my pain. I know you’re in a better place, but how can I be ok without you? I know you’d be so disappointed in me for hurting myself, and I’m trying so hard to be what you would want me to be. It’s just so hard to be that when you aren’t beside me. Please just help the pain go away. I know you’re always with me, though. I love you so much.

I know you would kill me for being on your tumblr, but I thought I should write something on your blog instead of mine. Tae, I miss you so much. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt as bad, sometimes it knocks the breath out of me. Tonight is one of those times. You came in my life when I was at my absolute lowest. You held my hand in the hospital and held me when I cried all night. You sat with me when I just stared at the wall. You stared with me. You picked me up and made me start to put myself back together. Now, I don’t know what to do. I’m lost. I’ve taken pills, I’ve cut my body to pieces, and I’ve cried so much that I can’t come up with anymore tears. None of that even begins to numb my pain. I know you’re in a better place, but how can I be ok without you? I know you’d be so disappointed in me for hurting myself, and I’m trying so hard to be what you would want me to be. It’s just so hard to be that when you aren’t beside me. Please just help the pain go away. I know you’re always with me, though. I love you so much.

I love you because you interrupt me. I love you because you make no apologies about being exactly who you are which is beautiful, smart, hilarious, and kind. I love you because you laugh like a 4 year old. I love you because you can be close to someone like me and then still be friends with the most popular people in your school. I love you because you never give up on people no matter how much they deserve it because that’s how amazing you are.